I Disagree...

"For no reason, here's a picture of Uma Thurman"

Hello everyone, welcome to the first posting of what is sure to be the stupidest experiment in modern history...me with my own blog. I'd like to formally state right now that this isn't a political blog. In fact, I hate politics. I loathe them. If I could find some kind of anthropomorphic being named "Politics", I swear that I'd hunt it down and kill it with my bare hands. So it's unusual that the first post of my brand spanking new blog is going to be sullied and dirty by such a low topic as "Politics" but...well, that's just a sacrifice that I'm willing to make.

I was on another message board earlier today, posting a movie review of the film "300" when one of the responses caught my eye...it was this long, drawn out statement about how 300 is a perfectly terrible piece of pro-war propaganda. Naturally, I disagreed but I did my best to change the subject in the hopes that we could return to talking about what an underwhelming movie "300" is but why Frank Miller is still like ten times better then Grant Morrison (because he just is).

See, this is one of those little tricky pieces of Free Speech that most Americans still haven't quite gotten the hang of. It's not that people disagree with you, it's that people are DETERMINED to disagree with you. And not just about the War, people are disagreeing with each other on just about everything these days. Global warming, the War on Terror, Abortion...did you know that there's STILL a debate going on about Keri Russell's hair-do (personally I think she looks better with it short because when it was long she looked like some kind of poofy breed of dog).

I know what you're thinking: "Shouldn't we air our grievances? Make our feelings public?" HELL NO! Personally, I think we should handle conflict the way we do things in my family, don't say anything, just smile and make fun of them behind their back on the way home. It's the best way really.

Still, I do have a series of conflicts that are my personal favorites:

Red Vs Blue-

How's this for putting things in perspective:

A bunch of whiny New Yorkers and Uppity Angelinos get all pissed off that the Inbred Country Music Fans in the South voted for Bush. Twice. Next thing you know everybody's doing this whole "Red State-Blue State" thing and wearing the armbands. Somewhere in the middle, I got a little confused. It was only a few elections ago that the color scheme was all switched around. In fact in the 1880s, songs about being a "Red Hot Democrat" and a "True Blue Republican" were actually really popular. Of course that was before TV so those people were probably just reacting to the absence of Baywatch from American Society.

To me when people say Red vs Blue, aside from a hilariously funny animated Internet series, I think of the Crips vs. the Bloods.

The whole thing started when a large LA gang called the Baby Avenues began consolidating power in Southern California until they were almost unbeatable. Gang violence rose as the newspaper's dubbed these modern day gangsters as "Crips" after a misspelling of "Cribs", which was the official Baby Avenue nickname. The name stuck and so did the adoption of blue as the official gang color. Pretty soon the Crips were everywhere in black culture, from the infamous "Crip Walk" to the open discussion of Snoop Dog's former employment in the "Rolling 20" Crip Set.

In the end, the Crips became so powerful that a group of other gangs started banding together. One gang, called the Piru Steet Boys, allied with the Denver Lanes, the LA Brims, and the Lueders Park Hustlers forming the back bone of what would one day become the Bloods, a gang just as large and violent as the Crips.

Between the two, these gangs have historically claimed more lives then cancer and more turf then Columbus. Although many believe that the old Crip/Blood feud may have finally been done away with thanks to the arrival of MS-13, a positively INSANE prison gang from South American that makes the other gangs I've mentioned on this list sound like a local Moose Lodge.

The Police Riots of New York City Hall-

I love this one!

Around 1857, New York City was home to perhaps the most corrupt city government in the history of the US and they didn't come much more corrupt or dirty then Mayor Fernando Wood. The man was into just about everything you could possibly think of and a few things you couldn't. But thanks to his friends in low places, Wood seemed to get constantly reelected.

Finally, the state government had enough of Wood and his antics and actually voted to shorten his term by a year and also established the Metropolitan Police Force to replace the corrupt Municipal Police Force still loyal to Wood and his cronies. Small problem though, Wood refused to disband the Munies and for months the City of New York had two competing police forces. The Metros would arrest some one only to have the Munies come along and let him free. The Munies would write tickets, only to see those tickets get "lost" by the Metros. It was like every criminal's wet dream.

Things finally came to a head when the Metros had enough of this nonsense and tried to serve a warrant on the embattled Mayor...only to be stopped by 300 Munies in full uniform. I suppose you can guess what happened next. Oh yeah, hot cop on cop battle action. City hall was soon swarming with police officers in full uniform beating the every loving crap out of each other, it was so violent in fact that they had to call out the National Guard to break it up and arrest Wood.

I know what you're thinking, is it still police brutality when it's on other cops?

Congressional Smack Down-

Face it, Congress is boring.

In Britain they call each other names and do everything short of insulting each other's mother while in some Asian countries they get into fist fights but in ours...Pelosi makes a comment about how she promises to work with the same president she called an idiot, while Cheney smiles and tries not to call her a bitch to her face, that's about it.

Oh but back in the day! Back when C-Span might've actually have been fun to watch.

In 1856, Charles Sumner, a senator from Massachusetts, started talkin' smack about South Carolina Senator Andrew Butler over his position on Slavery. The very next day, two other Congressmen from South Carolina, Preston Brooks and Laurence M. Keitt, walked into the Senate and proceeded to beat the holy shit right out of Sumner. When other Senators tried to intervene, Keitt pulled a gun on them and told them to "Let them Be".

The event became a disgrace on American politics (*snicker*) and further aggravated an already widening divide between North and South. Brooks became something of a hero in the South and when his loyal voters discovered that he had broken his cane over Sumner's Northern skull, they set him replacement canes by the dozens.